I'm SO Not Ready For This!

So I'm having breakfast with my six-and-a-half-year-old this morning before sending him off to school.

Between spoonfuls of Cheerios, he looks over at me and asks, "Mommy, why did God only give girls special parts?"

After spewing coffee all over the kitchen walls, I replied in what I thought was a nonchalant manner, "Honey, God gave everyone special parts."

"No, I mean why did He decide that only girls can have babies?"

I choked down some more coffee. "I don't know, hon, that's just what He thought was best."

Then he starts yammering on and on in what apparently was complete awe, "Like, you could be pregnant right now, and your uterus would keep getting bigger and bigger and the baby would keep growing and growing..." while making expansive growing actions with his arms.

As I make a mental note to order my funeral flowers at this point because I can feel my heart preparing to keel over in shock, I calmly ask, "Sweetie, could you please stop talking about my uterus? I promise you I'm not pregnant right now."

After a few calming breaths and another swig of the completely unsatisfying decaf I was drinking, I managed to get the full story from him. Turns out the class is learning about the whole cycle of life in preparation for Easter (you know, when Jesus died & rose again). So their teacher had started telling them how babies begin as little eggs that grow inside their mother's uterus, are born, grow into toddlers, who grow into children, who grow into teenagers, yadda, yadda, yadda...

I'm just wondering why she had to start so far back, ya know? Why couldn't she start with "babies are born"? At the very least, I think she should have sent home some sort of warning note to prepare parents for the discussions that may ensue.

"Dear Parents, Please note that we are discussing the cycle of life in this month's lesson plan. Please do not be alarmed if your children are suddenly displaying a very intense interest in your bodily functions or wish to discuss your reproductive systems..."

Nope, I'm so not ready for this just yet.