Time Flies

Holy Moley! Has it really been 2 months since the last time I posted?! Geez, time sure does fly when you're ... ummm ... what's the phrase I'm looking for here? Having fun? Nope, that's not it. Broke? Exhausted? That's getting a little warmer.

Anyhoo, here I am, three months into the whole Taekwondo journey. Yes, I passed my first belt test. I actually double-tested, which means I skipped over the yellow-stripe and went straight to a yellow belt. I've since tested for my green stripe, and I find out tonight whether or not I passed. I honestly have no idea whether or not I did, because the whole testing experience is a blur to me. I was so nervous through the whole thing that I've managed to block out the memory completely. Not a very effective training technique, to go through the whole experience in a terrified trance. At this rate, I'll never make Ninja Queen.

You can't blame me, though. I had a large audience and fan club in attendance the night of testing. My brother and his family had come to town for a visit. Since he and his children are Karatekas, they thought it would be interesting to witness a TKD testing event. My sister and husband also came. My husband, the man who is supposed to love me unconditionally, brought our video camera. It was supposedly to take video of our son, who was also undergoing testing that night. He completely ignored the daggers shooting out of my eyes and took video of my testing, as well.

So how can I have video of the event and still not be able to remember how I did, you ask?

Because about three seconds into the video, my husband has to wrestle the camera out of my hands as I am overcome by the urge to hurl said video camera through the nearest fifteen story window.

Why, oh why, do martial artists wear WHITE uniforms?? I look like freaking Cartman from South Park wearing his mom's bath robe! I look like the Queen of Marsmallow Land! I look like the Creature Bride of the Michelin Man! It's downright GROSS!! Especially since the manufacturers of these uniforms seem to think that anyone with hips the breadth of mine must also be seven feet tall. The result, even with some creative hemming, is that I have the pants pulled up to my pits a la Erkel while my feet are hidden beneath four folds of the material. The top would hang down to my knees if it wasn't being held up by my belt, which then creates enough of a fold around my upper body to clothe a small African village. And all this is done in WHITE ... the one colour/shade that makes Naomi Campbell look pudgy.

But, white is the colour of the school uniform, so I will have to grin and bear it. At least until I lose enough weight to buy a new uniform that isn't cut for a sumo wrestler.