Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Progress Update

Hey blog fans!

I realized this morning that it's been some time since I measured my weight-loss (or, more accurately, inch-loss) progress. Two months, actually. So I dusted off the ol' measuring tape and got to it.

Here are my results since beginning this wellness journey back in November:
Chest (or, "the girls", as some folks would call them): 1 inch lost
Rib cage: 2 inches lost
Waist: 4 1/2 inches lost
Tummy (what I affectionately refer to as my "overhang"): 4 inches lost
Hips: 3 inches lost
Thighs (each thigh): 2 inches lost

For a grand total of ... drum roll, please ... 16 1/2 inches lost since November! Yay, me! :)

This started, as you may recall, by walking on the treadmill. I believe I started slowly, at maybe 15 or 20 minutes, and worked my way up to 30 minute walks, 5 days per week. In June, I enrolled at my son's Taekwondo school, and the treadmill, I'm ashamed to say, has sat idle ever since. This is because a) beginning Taekwondo took a lot out of me physically, so I decided to take it easy on the days between training sessions, and b) the kiddies were home for the summer holidays, which makes "me time" hard to come by (unless I wanted to wake up at 5:00AM ... ummm ... no).

Well, the rugrats are back in school now (Trouble only goes on alternate days, being in Kindergarten this year). So my mornings, once the bus turns that corner and before I have to work at my paying job, are once again my own. I intend to reacquiaint myself with the treadmill once the kids and I are in some semblance of a routine - i.e. putting Trouble on the bus is no longer an aerobic routine on its own. Boy, who'd a thought one 40lb kid could put up such a struggle? I mean, I know that some kids don't handle the transition from home to school very well, but I've had to wrestle Trouble into the school yard, onto the bus, into his clothes in the morning... The way this kid bolts when that bus comes to pick him up, I think we'll be signing him up for track really soon.

Anyhow, so the treadmill is going to be revisited at some point in the next few weeks. As for my diet, I'm still trying to drink more water than soft drinks, eat more fruit and veggies on a daily basis (lemon pie counts as a fruit, right?), and limit my chip intake to the single-serving bags. Yeah, I've broken that rule a couple of times. Kind of hard to have movie night with one tiny bag of chips to call your own while the rest of the family is chowing down on M&Ms and Fritos by the bucket.

Taekwondo is going very well. My short-term goal was to make it through class without uttering the words "Please, God, make it stop!". I'm pretty much there most nights. Except for when the instructors come back from some sort of seminar or are preparing for a tournament. Then they seem to become even more excited about training than they usually are, and they get creative with the styles of push-ups and crunches and kicking combos they make you perform by the hundreds. It's all good, though. No pain, no gain, right? Although, sometimes I prefer the saying, "No pain ... woo hoo!"

My biggest hurdle right now (other than not being able to perform the more acrobatic kicks because I'm being weighed down by my age and my back-side)is that I seem to have a mental block when it comes to sparring. We're wearing full padding, so I techincally shouldn't have an issue kicking the bejesus out of my opponent, but I do. I can't kick a person with the same force as I kick a target or a heavy bag. Kind of makes for a one-sided fight, with me standing there getting my butt handed to me on a platter. But, like with any martial art, it's more about the journey than anything else, and this is just part of my personal journey. Here's hoping I turn a corner soon, though. My kids are beginning to think my skin tone is naturally purple and green.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Time Flies

Holy Moley! Has it really been 2 months since the last time I posted?! Geez, time sure does fly when you're ... ummm ... what's the phrase I'm looking for here? Having fun? Nope, that's not it. Broke? Exhausted? That's getting a little warmer.

Anyhoo, here I am, three months into the whole Taekwondo journey. Yes, I passed my first belt test. I actually double-tested, which means I skipped over the yellow-stripe and went straight to a yellow belt. I've since tested for my green stripe, and I find out tonight whether or not I passed. I honestly have no idea whether or not I did, because the whole testing experience is a blur to me. I was so nervous through the whole thing that I've managed to block out the memory completely. Not a very effective training technique, to go through the whole experience in a terrified trance. At this rate, I'll never make Ninja Queen.

You can't blame me, though. I had a large audience and fan club in attendance the night of testing. My brother and his family had come to town for a visit. Since he and his children are Karatekas, they thought it would be interesting to witness a TKD testing event. My sister and husband also came. My husband, the man who is supposed to love me unconditionally, brought our video camera. It was supposedly to take video of our son, who was also undergoing testing that night. He completely ignored the daggers shooting out of my eyes and took video of my testing, as well.

So how can I have video of the event and still not be able to remember how I did, you ask?

Because about three seconds into the video, my husband has to wrestle the camera out of my hands as I am overcome by the urge to hurl said video camera through the nearest fifteen story window.

Why, oh why, do martial artists wear WHITE uniforms?? I look like freaking Cartman from South Park wearing his mom's bath robe! I look like the Queen of Marsmallow Land! I look like the Creature Bride of the Michelin Man! It's downright GROSS!! Especially since the manufacturers of these uniforms seem to think that anyone with hips the breadth of mine must also be seven feet tall. The result, even with some creative hemming, is that I have the pants pulled up to my pits a la Erkel while my feet are hidden beneath four folds of the material. The top would hang down to my knees if it wasn't being held up by my belt, which then creates enough of a fold around my upper body to clothe a small African village. And all this is done in WHITE ... the one colour/shade that makes Naomi Campbell look pudgy.

But, white is the colour of the school uniform, so I will have to grin and bear it. At least until I lose enough weight to buy a new uniform that isn't cut for a sumo wrestler.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Moving Off The Plateau!

Yup, you read it right, folks! I've moved off of the dreaded plateau. You know ... that really awful wasteland of despair where you land when you've stopped making any weight-loss progress for a period of time. Well, after almost a month of TKD classes, I mustered the courage to take my measurements again, and sure enough, I've dropped another couple of inches! Yay me!

It isn't much ... basically an inch or two around my waist and tummy area. Probably from the hundred or so crunches our Master has us do in every class. But, hey, I'll take it! :)

Add to that the increased stamina I've picked up over the past few weeks, and it adds up to some real progress! Sure, I'm still sweating like Homer Simpson at an all-you-can-eat buffet, but at least I'm no longer collapsing in a heap when I get home.

Last Friday's class was a bit of an eye-opener, though. I've been suffering from shin splints since I started this martial journey. Nothing new there. My shins are notorious complainers whenever a new exercise regime comes into play. Just grit your teeth and work through the pain, ice them when you get home. It'll get better once I've built up a little muscle in the area. But, last Friday I made the mother of all rookie mistakes. During a so-called no-contact sparring match with (of all people) a black stripe (meaning he'll be getting his black belt soon), I smashed my shin into his knee. Apparently, we tried to kick at the same time, and neither of us thought to pull back in time to avoid the collision. Being some 20-odd years younger than I am, the black-stripe limped around a bit and went on with his life. He tells me that he recovered that same night. Me? I'm sporting a bruise about the size of a small dog. A very tenacious small dog at that. It refuses to fade, or diminish in the amount of pain it delivers every time I make the mistake of hitting it against something...like the car door, or someone's fist during other no-contact sparring sessions (can you hear the wry laughter whenever I say "no-contact"?). I've learned yet another important lesson about aging. It takes the body a while longer to recover from simple, minor injuries. Fantastic.

Oh, well. Live and learn, right? If I was concerned about a little bruising from time to time, I should have taken up knitting. Who am I kidding? I probably would have impaled myself with the needles. At least with TKD, I can wear padding from time to time.

Now, on to the next challenge. Belt testing this Friday. Am I nervous? You betcha! But, if I wasn't nervous, then I'd really have something to worry about, right? At least, that's what people keep telling me ... I'm not sure what it means. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Another Step on the Wellness Journey

Hey blog fans. Once again, I have to apologize for not posting in such a long time. The truth of the matter is that there hasn't been much to post about. I can only give you so many "No change, still hanging out on the dreaded plateau" posts before I completely lose motivation and toss the blasted treadmill out the living room window.

Hey, at least that would give my biceps a decent workout.

Anyhow, I'm still doing the hamster routine every morning for 30 minutes. After 10 minutes, I bring up the incline a bit. This is an older, lower-model treadmill, though, so I have no idea what the angle is or anything. I basically hold down the little + button for about 2 seconds. Then, when there's about 5 minutes left, I bring it back down to the flat position for a little cool-down.

I've decided that it's time to step things up a little. Break out of my comfort zone ... namely, the living room. I need to regain some of the muscle tone that I've lost after 15 years of inactivity behind a computer and 2 c-sections. I need to get my clothing size into something more manageable, if only so I can shop in the less expensive parts of the store and save us a few bucks every now and then.

So, I did it. I took the plunge. I signed up for Taekwondo at the dojang where my son has been taking lessons since January.

Am I scared? Hell, yeah. This is extra money every month that we don't have. But I figured that it's about time I convinced myself that I'm worth the money, that I need to do this for my health before I end up diabetic or needing bypass surgery before my 45th birthday.

Won't it hurt? Probably. Like I said ... 15 years of inactivity has left me looking like the "before" people in the LA Weightloss commercials. Who am I kidding? I'd love to be the before people! I tried a demo class at the dojang a couple of months ago. Couldn't walk for 5 days. My calf muscles felt like they were trying to snap my shins in half. But it felt so good to push my body that way again! I had completely forgotten how wonderful a good workout could feel! Clearly, I'll need to learn to pace myself a little, remember that I'm not 25 anymore, don't try to keep up with the black belts, etc...

Am I nuts? Most likely. I believe my husband thinks so, although he isn't saying it out loud for fear of retribution once I learn how to land a solid roundhouse kick. My parents probably think the same thing. The only person who has told me this might be a good idea is my oldest brother, but that's only because he's doing Karate with his kids, and so he probably wants someone else to do something just as crazy to take some of the heat off of himself at the family Christmas dinners. Just kidding. Most everyone has been really supportive of the idea ... if somewhat perplexed. I mean, this isn't exactly the typical housewifey thing to do. I guess everyone is wondering why I don't just join a gym, do a little aerobics, maybe some aquafit. Well, that just wouldn't be "me", now, would it? ;)

So, stay tuned boys and girls, as I chronicle my progression through the belt levels. See you next time!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

All Wired Up With Nowhere To Go

This sucks.

I had decided that I wanted to "officially" start practicing Taekwondo as part of my new fitness regimen. I say "officially" because, to this point, I've been practicing at night with my son. Nothing strenuous. Just making sure he's hitting targets properly, going through the poomsae with him, stuff like that. But not "really" practicing the art and sport of Taekwondo.

So I went to see my family doctor, just as a precaution you understand. After all, I'm no spring chicken any more. Pushing 40 and considerably overweight (I hate to use the term "morbidly obese", because it just sounds gross), I felt it was prudent for me to make sure I won't be going into cardiac arrest during class.

It's been a while since I've seen my family doctor. So long, in fact, that I've only now realized that he has shut down his family practice in favor of a walk-in clinic. The doctor I saw this week is not the man I've been seeing for years, not the man who saved my husband's life when he was diagnosed with colon cancer, not the man who saw me through 2 pregnancies and their subsequent c-sections. No, this was some other schmoe who happened to be manning the shop that particular day. Gotta love the personal touch of a walk-in clinic.

So, I told Schmoe of my plans, and how I wanted to make sure it was OK before I signed up. I also mentioned these funny little flippy feelings in my chest that happen once in a while for a second or so. I presumed these were a direct result of my excess weight, and they'd stop once I got back into some semblance of shape, right?

The mystery doctor listens to my heart, writes a few squiggles in my file, and tells me that there's nothing to worry about (easy for HIM to say), but we're going to get me to wear this thing called a "cardiac loop recorder" for a week. This will record my heart beat for the week, and then it'll be sent out to a cardiologist for review. If I have any more of these "flippy" feeling things, I'm to press the little button on the recorder and write it down in the diary (which is actually a sheet of paper - talk about high-tech).

I'm on day two of wearing this thing, which looks a bit like an iPod, except that it's wired to my ribs and collar bone instead of my ears, and isn't nearly as entertaining. I hate the feeling of being "tethered". I hated it when I was in the hospital for my c-sections, to the point where the nurses had to remove my IV or I'd do it for them. I hate it now, but I'll put up with it because I have to if I intend to get into kick-ass shape (get it? It's a pun on the whole Taekwondo thing). It's just one more step in my wellness journey, right? At least, that's what I keep telling myself every time the stupid connector things get glued to my T-shirt. You'd think they'd at least make the stupid wires long enough to let you pull your pants down when you go to the bathroom.

I've got one week with the iPain, and then another week or so before I get the results. So I won't be joining TKD until some time in May, if at all. Not impressed, people! In the mean time, I've been googling "flippy chest feeling". Turns out they're called "palpitations" and can be caused by any number of things. My fave, though, has got to be "menopause". Because that would just figure. It would add to the whole "old and fat" theme I've got going on these days. Ugh.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Derailed

Hi there, folks. It's been a while, so I thought I'd check in.

I'm sorry to say that a rather severe cold has forced me to fall off the "fitness" bandwagon. Well, in all honesty, it wasn't so much a "fall" as it was a running leap with a flawlessly executed swan dive.

It started on Superbowl week-end, when we gathered at my sister's house to watch the spectacle that was the defeat of the undefeatable Patriots. This gathering began with a bowl of pasta with meatballs, and ended with large bowls of chips, peanuts and cashews. I figured, after being so good since November, one night of extreme over-indulgence wouldn't really hurt, would it?

By the time we finished stuffing our faces, I felt a little tickle threatening the back of my throat. Oh, I knew full well what that meant. Sure enough, Monday morning dawned, and I felt like I was breathing through a straw. So, no treadmill for me on Monday. This feeling progressed so that by Wednesday, it felt like my lungs were filled with wet cement. Oh, it was a lovely sight. Kleenex everywhere, a nose to rival Rudolf's during the deepest Christmas Eve storm, and watery eyes reduced to slits the size of a paper cut. Very attractive.

So, I've had one week of inactivity, except for the tremendous effort required to cough or sneeze ... or breathe, for that matter.

I'm feeling much better today, though I'm still coughing a little. I therefore promise to claw my way back onto the fitness bandwagon to reclaim my tenuous perch on Monday. I'm really not looking forward to finding out how much damage my little junk food binge and the following week of phlegm production have caused, but I'll just have to deal with it like a big girl ... otherwise I'll never stop being a "big girl", right?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Status Update

Bonjour, Blog Fans! It's been a couple of weeks since the Holidays and all the joy and calories that they bring. Let's see how far we've come since starting this healthy journey way back on November 21, shall we?

To recap: I started out slowly - just 15 minutes on the treadmill, 5 days/week. A short time later, I bumped it up to 20 minutes/day.

I've left it at 20 minutes for now, but I've just this week started doing some strength training - crunches, rear leg lifts, modified push-ups, side push-ups to start. Again, I've started off slowly - just one set of ten reps to begin. I've been kicking around the idea of getting a home gym, but I have very limited space in my home, so I was thinking about one of the Nautilus BowFlex machines - maybe the Blaze. I like this machine because the bench folds up, so when not in use, it has a relatively small footprint. If anyone has any opinions on this (or the other folding BowFlex home gyms), I'd love to hear them.

On to the progress report: Since starting this workout routine 7 weeks ago, I have lost...
* 1" off my bust
* 1 1/2" off my ribcage
* 2" off my waist
* 2" off my tummy (I can't wait until my waist and my tummy are within a couple inches of one-another!!)
* 1" off my hips
* 1/2" off each thigh
...for a total of 6 inches overall.

Not too shabby, considering I'm not exactly taxing myself here, and my diet has remained relatively unchanged. With the exception of the 2 weeks during the Christmas/New Year Holidays, I've kept to the small (individual serving size) bags of chips, I'm taking in more water than soft drinks, and I've tried (with some small success) to include more fruit and veggies in my daily food intake.

As time goes on, I'll be adding some reps to the floor routine, and maybe eventually upping the time on the treadmill ... although I don't want to make this an all-day event, either. I gotta go to work at some point!

We enrolled my oldest (you'll know him from my earlier posts as MiniMe) in junior Taekwondo classes, and he has been having an absolute blast! So have I. I've been helping him practice his patterns and moves every night ... and I do mean EVERY night. We've been having a lot of fun with it, and even though it's only been a couple of weeks, he seems to really be enjoying it and I've noticed a difference in his attitude and self-confidence level. I know that there will come a time when he will lose interest. I'll deal with that obstacle when we get to it, which hopefully won't happen for a few years.

In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy his enthusiasm. Who knows? If the financial horizon gets a little brighter than it is right now (which is a dull shade of midnight blue at the moment), you just might be reading a post in the future about my quest for a black belt. ;)

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Back To The Ol' Grind

Happy New Year, folks! I hope everyone had a great holiday, filled with fun, food, family & friends.

Now that THAT's over with...

It's back to the ol' grind. Not only are we all (well, most of us) back to work, it's also time to assess the damage that the Holiday eating binge did to the relatively new fitness regime.

Surprisingly, I didn't fare as badly as I thought I would after what felt like a solid week of non-stop eating, and my trusty treadmill sitting idly by, approximately 600km away. Only a half-inch gained here and there. It could have been a lot worse.

Seriously.

Have you ever celebrated Christmas with an Italian family? We go "back home" each year for the Holidays, where my mother feels it's her maternal duty to make sure we all eat as much as (or slightly more than) is humanly possible. After all, she's not here with us for most of the year, so we must be starving, right? The fact that I could pass for Rita McNeil's stunt double has apparently escaped her notice.

If the lasagna, manicotti and canelloni aren't enough for you, you could also have some soup, meatballs, sausages and other various animal body parts that are thrown into the pot to make the sauce for the pasta. We managed to convince her for the first time this year that we absolutely DO NOT need a roast of some sort to go with our salad at the end of the meal.

But no amount of arguing could get Mom to limit herself to two cakes for the night. Cheesecake is a must, after all. It's tradition. And so is the sponge cake she makes every time we visit, insisting that it's my husband's favourite (to his immense surprise). But the one that really took the cake, so to speak, was the double-decker chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for the kids, even though the smell of chocolate makes her gag. They NEED chocolate cake, she will vehemently argue every time. Not want ... NEED. Mom refused to listen to our arguments that children do not NEED chocolate cake at 11:00 at night, which is when dinner is over, because it takes that long to eat Christmas dinner at Mom's house, after all.

So, yes, I'm quite surprised and pleased to find that I've only regained half an inch in a couple of spots over the past couple of weeks, all things considered. But, now the holidays are over, the leftovers have been dealt with, the New Year has begun, and my battle of the bulge has resumed. Hello treadmill, old friend. I've picked up a couple of Friends episodes on DVD to make our time together pass a little more quickly. Next week, we introduce my butt to the floor for some leg lifts, crunches and push-ups.

Happy New Year, back-side. I hope I'll be seeing a lot less of you from here on in. ;)